"a lifetime melts away"

this site remains only for memories sake.

"now and again
it seems worse then it is
but mostly the view is accurate"

// CLOSE YOUR EYES //

UGH!  i greatly  dislike relatives & their nosiness.  it's been a loooong while since i've felt so hurt..  no matter the intentions..  i'd rather not see them for a while.

here's something to consider..  you don't know me & you never have.  i've put up a front for the lot of you..  some futile attempt to fit in & mayhaps form some sort of relationship with any one of you..  stupid idea if you ask me..  why should someone have to be fake in order to have a relationship with someone..  if they have to be fake..  maybe the relationship just isn't worth it. another idea too, if you don't want to know the things i've been doing or thinking..  don't read it!   no one is forcing you to.  sure this is a public site, but it's a journal..  i am going to write my thoughts & the things that i do on here & i shouldn't have to worry that someone is going to freak out on me because of it..  a journal is for expressing emotion & getting thoughts out of one's head  & onto paper..  or the web in this instance..  to keep things inside would be crazy..  & so i write..  sure i'm depressed, but i'm not going to try to hide it just to appease you.  if you have a problem i would rather you talk to me about it instead of treating me as some lesser being & running to my parents to address the "situation"..  by the way this "situation" you spoke of has been going on for years so just because you may have just found out, doesn't mean its something new..  & i'm not suicidal.   it wouldn't make sense for me to be, when i spend so much of my time trying to keep others from taking their lives..  & yes i know that probably doesn't assist me at all with my own depression, but i'm not going to be selfish & walk away from someone who needs me simply because i might get a bit of anxiety or teary eyed because of it..  i'm not going to cut people out of my life that need friends & compassionate people the most.  there are going to be good days & there are going to be bad days..  does it not make sense that one would write most on the bad days..  to get it out..  to relieve some stress..  yes..  yes it does.  so back off & stop worrying.  none of this is new.  none of it.  i'll live my life & let you live yours..  i had hoped you would do the same.  if i had wanted your help..  i would have asked for it.

signed: hurt

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so friends. i'm afraid i've had to delete some entries for sake of keeping your names out of recent & not so recent events. depending on how things play out i may or may not have to make a new site. i've grown tired of self-righteous people. no one is any better than the person next to them.

i love you guys.

<3

: everyone's got a theory about the bitter one :

"i chose this cup
that i drank from"

i hate being lied to.

i'm disgusted that you felt the need to cry wolf to get more attention from me.

bad move.

that wasn't cool.

if you want to go to our party click this :: link :: & leave a comment..
or IM jules (anotsosmrtcookie). enjoy.

yesterday was an exciting day.

i finished off an entire package of keebler rainbow chocolate chip cookies, smoked, & sang quite loudly..
all while laying on my roof..

what'd you do..?